Most people have heard the expression,"babies raising babies." It is a sad reality but a million young girls between the ages 15-19 become mothers each year. These girls or you might say babies find themselves the mother of tiny little babies they can not afford emotionally nor financially. Most teen mothers have no idea how to raise a child, they are still children themselves. Unless there is a support system put in place, both the child and the mother face a grim future.

Most of the girls become pregnant by a man several years older  than themselves. In the United States,the number of teen pregnancies out number the teen pregnancies in other developed countries. The Hispanic teenager out numbers other races in births. African American teenage births follow close behind. Other races are lower than these two groups.
 
The consequences of teen births is a spiral that is very difficult to get out of. Teen pregnancies tend to have higher risk factors. Emotional problems increase for the mother. The child is most likely to also grow up with its own emotional baggage. Teen mothers are more subject to premature labor and birth problems.

If the young mother opts to keep the child, the chances for a life on public assistance is greatly increased. Due to a lack of parenting skills, the mother is more subject more to frustration which often results in child abuse and child neglect. The chances for a good job or a good education are nearly slim. They may be fortunate to finish high school but fewer are able to enter and attend college. That is due to their responsibility to get a job and take care of their child.

You may be thinking I am creating a grim and depressing picture of teen pregnancy. That is my objective. Teen girls today are given so many opportunities to live the life they deserve. However, if they do not take responsibility for their own bodies and their own futures, they will live a difficult and painful life. Add to that an innocent child, it  makes for a sad reality that is taking place right now.

Girls are not encouraged to carry condoms with them to be intimate with every young man they have an interest in . They are encouraged to keep condoms with them in case they find themselves in a situation with a young man. He is also responsible for taking precautions but it is the girl's responsibility to be prepared to protect herself at all times.

The best protection both people can use is abstinence. Abstinence is not easy to practice but it makes for a future for both people. The consequences of unprotected sex are greater than saying no and not allowing situations to arise where sex becomes an issue.

The hope of this article is to pass on a word of precaution. Girls take care of yourself. The future is waiting. You deserve to live the life you wish to live. A baby should not be brought up in a painful and difficult environment that could have been avoided. That is true in most cases outside of rape and incest.

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Maybe you've never heard of verbal abuse or even experienced it. Its been in existence for as long as couples have been couples. Or families have been families. Its one of those things people don't talk about. It continues to be pushed under the covers and called something it is not.Verbal abuse is one of the most inhumane things a person can do to another person. It is as evil as sexual assault.

The abuser or the perpetrator tries to inflict all the negative and self loathing feelings from him/herself to another individual. The  more pain the perpetrator feels for him/herself the more vicious the verbal abuse is. Verbal abuse often escalates over time to physical abuse and sometimes death. Okay,  that was the layman's definition of verbal abuse.

As recent as 1993, verbal abuse was given its name by the medical  profession. Verbal abuse occurs on a daily basis. Sometimes it surfaces when the perpetrator feels threatened. Sometimes it happens when the perpetrator feels the targeted individual has been sufficiently isolated from friends and family. The perpetrator usually has a mate or spouse or someone they feel they can control.

The perpetrator blames, ignores and yells at the targeted individual. Sometimes all these methods are used together. And sometimes they are used as the moment arises. The perpetrator bullies, defames, lies , berates, taunts, threatens and calls the targeted individual belittling names. This is done in an effort to mentally change the targeted individual's self-worth to one of no value. The targeted individual may consciously resist the perpetrator but the constant mental badgering takes its told. It eats at the targeted individual like a virus, it slowly eats into the soul of the targeted person

Identifying a Verbal Abuser

What does a verbal abuser look like? Look at the person next to you. Or look at the person you see walking down the street. The point here is the verbal abuser looks like all of us. The verbal abuser can be a woman or a man. It does not matter the race nor the age of the abuser. The abuser works behind closed doors and that is when the perpetrator lets down the shield or the mask. Behind closed doors is where the perpetrator criticizes, uses derogatory comments and other negative efforts to bring down the targeted person.

In public the abuser is sometimes well liked by others. The abuser may be well educated or may not have finished high school; a civic leader or the person sweeping the floor. So it will not be easy to spot the abuser if you think the abuser has some special trait different from the rest of us.

Indications of an Abuser

 If you are with an individual who constantly tries to separate you from friends and family. Someone who wants you to him/herself, beware! That should be a red flag. If the individual  tries to change your mind or tries to explain what you mean, beware! If the individual displays a short temper over time for the least of things and blames you for their actions, beware. If the individual has a explosive response about something and later comes to you as if nothing happened, beware. These are a few of the traits of verbal abuser. Your intuition is your best friend. Don't  dismiss your red flags. You will one day find it was the best thing you could have done for yourself.

When do You Leave

Both the abuser and the targeted individual require counseling. It took years for the abuser to become an abuser and it will take years for the abuser to change his/her negative self  feelings. You will also require counseling to recover from the abuse you received. Abuse is a disease that eats at the soul of the individual and  more damage was caused to you than you can imagine.

On the other hand,  if the abuser feels there is no need for counseling. Think. That means the abuser can not see the damage that has been caused to himself or to the targeted individual. The abuser feels everything is right with himself. You are the one with the problem.

You must now make a decision. The abuser is happy with the way things are. You can choose to remain with the situation and try to live with it or you can decide to do what you know you must do. Choosing to separate yourself from a bad situation takes courage.

Courage is something a victim must pull from within. Friends and family can not save a victim of abuse unless the individual wants to be saved. If it means walking away from what appears to be the best life a person could want, then do it. Abusers are not all in low income brackets. They are also found in elite, well to do family situations. Find  the courage to walk away from it and not return to the situation.

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Imagine yourself as a character in one of the Hollywood movies where the children are accidentally shrunk by the scientist dad. You are fully aware of everything going on in the home but no one sees you nor hears anything you have to say. You are so small they can't hear you shouting at the top of your lungs trying to get their attention. Now picture a child in the mist of a divorce, that is the same frustration the child experiences with the marriage dissolution process. The divorcing parents are attempting to do the best possible thing for the children but they mistakenly ignore their children's right to have input regarding future living arrangements.


Teenage Drug and Alcohol Abuse

Teenage drug and alcohol abuse are heart rendering issues some families are forced to deal with. The issue is not when or where the troubled youth began using and abusing these substances. The key at this point is finding a solution that both the the teenager and the parents can live with. Seeking parenting advice from available resources is a start that will provide guidance and support during the most trying recovery times.

Why are Some Children Defiant

Most parents love their children and would do almost anything for them. Unfortunately, there are situations in which their love is challenged by the child to the very edge of sanity for both the child and the parent. The child they lovingly raised becomes a person they don't recognize. The child defies every rule and safety precaution established for its best care and development. The child becomes defiant and resists every form of adult supervision, guidance and authority. What happened?

Cheating Is Not About You

Did you know Eve cheated in the Garden of Eden? Yes, she did. She thought she could get a taste of the apple and not get caught.Then on top of that she lied about what she did. And to make matters worst she had an accomplice. It was Adam. He knew the truth about the apple and that he was not permitted to eat the apple. He did not have the self control to say no and let his no be no. He ate it to to see what it tasted like. Eve prompted him to eat the Apple but he had a choice. He could have said no to the whole thing and walked away.

"I value you"  is a byproduct of a nurturing relationship. A nurturing relationship does not happen by chance. It takes deliberate efforts on the part of both parties. They send a positive message to each other that it is important to have each other in their lives. What are the elements of a nurturing and positive relationship?

The first element is a desire within your person that you want the individual to remain in your life for a very long time.  Understand that relationships are fragile and must be worked on  through open communication. Open communication means the fear of expressing how you feel is not inhibited by fear. Your message is delivered as you intended through body language and verbal communication.

The individual is given your full attention when you converse with each other. That means you are not preoccupied with other activities while the person is talking with you. Your attention and eyes are on the individual. Active listening is key and you interject when the appropriate pause allows.

If you disagree with the individual, there is an appropriate way to express your disagreement without making the person feel you're pointing a finger at them. The key to disagreement is using words such as "I feel." You're not saying to the individual you are wrong about the way you feel about something. But you are saying I have a different opinion on the topic. Add to that a statement similar to "I found." That means you've thought through  the process and found a different solution to the disagreement. By offering a  solution to the disagreement, both parties' egos retmain in tack and harsh feelings are kept to a minimum.

When there is a disagreement between the individuals, someone has to release their opinion, especially if conditions suggests the other person to be correct. Sometimes we must come to a compromise. It is not about how many times you give in to the other person, the important thing is what is  the best outcome for the situation.

A nurturing relationship is about the value you place in the individual. It is a desire to be yourself and show the respect to others you wish to receive from those people you value. The time spent with the individual is also  important. That means the quality of your time together is more important than the quantity of time spent together. If you spend a few hours a day with a person and both of you separate feeling good about the encounter, it can be considered a quality visit. If you spend several days with an individual and you seldom communicated with each other. Or you feel more drained than revived from the relationship, then you've done more damage to each other than good. The message "I value you" is not there.

Have you ever participated in a laughter chain? If I understand it correctly, the closest I've come to one was in elementary school. I think I'd better say I was part of a laughter circle. I'll tell you what happened and you be the judge.

I was in my 5th grade science class. I remember sitting in the back of the classroom with my best friend.  I know it was very quiet in the room. I heard a noise across the table from me and I looked in that direction. My best friend had the biggest smile on her face. I  looked questionably at her without saying anything. The next thing I knew she was holding a book to her face laughing her brains out. I don't know what happened but I started laughing. I tried to contain the urge to laugh but something was very funny to me. And I did not know what it was. I just felt like laughing. The more I looked at my friend the funnier things seemed.

I could not contain myself. In the meantime I vaguely remember my teacher telling our table to be quiet. The more we looked at each other the more we laughed. To this day, I do not know what we were all laughing about. I know I felt good after the laugh. My friend and I had afternoon detention. I asked her what she was laughing about and she said she did not know. She just felt like laughing. I am by nature a happy person. .But I do not know if I have experienced such a hard and embarrassing laugh as the one I did  with my 5th grade best friend.

Health Benefits of Laughter

We've all heard the expression, laughter is good for you. Well I did a little research on laughter and I found some interesting information about laughter.There are health benefits to laughter. Laughter causes the brain activity to produce endorphins. They are the feel good sensations people experience when they laugh. They help suppress pain in our bodies. Laughter is also credited with stopping pain from arthritis. Ten minutes of laughter can give two hours of relief from arthritis pain.

Laughter also helps thin the lining of the blood vessels. It causes them to dilate. That means more blood can flow through the vessels. Which means lowering the blood pressure. Laughter is credited with enabling people to release tension. It is credited with being a coping mechanism. I remember several years  ago I was in a very bad relationship. For no reason, I would breakout into laughter. The laughter would often end in tears. I could not understand my behavior. But I do remember I was trying not to let the situation get the best of me. So I agree laughter can be used as a coping mechanism.

Social Impact of Laughter

People use laughter as a secondary means of communicating with each other. Laughter is used in the group to signal acceptance or agreement. It helps people make their intentions understood by the context of their conversations. The laughter will confirm or dis-affirm the conversation. To gain acceptance the laughter can provoke feedback from members in the group. That is probably the reason variety shows have laugh tracks to prompt viewers that a joke or point has been made.

There are people who are laugh challenged. They for some reason can not see the humor in anything. They fail to allow themselves to see the picture from a creative point of view and laugh about it. I guess that is the person we call the stiff shirt or stiff collar personality. The individuals that can see the humor in life and permit themselves to laugh when it is appropriate are truly the fortunate ones.

When you've pretty much found yourself backed up against the wall, what do you do? Do you give in to the pressure? Do you allow yourself to become the victim and give up? Or do you allow yourself to feel all hope is gone? The choice is yours. Is there a better way to deal with your situation than allowing it to consume you?

Answering these questions depends on how you see the glass. Then you decide how you're going to act on your decision. Do you see the glass half full or do you see the glass half empty? Its the same as saying I have no hope, no way out. Or I know there is a way to turn things around.

What is Faith

The last answer is based on "faith." That is because people with faith have learned that in the worst of times, things still have a way of working out for them. They intuitively know they are not facing adversity alone. The word faith is used so freely that its true meaning is clouded over with common meaningless verbiage. People did not intentionally cloud over the meaning of faith. It is just that people tried to use the word rather than practice what it truly meant. But lets step back and look at what the word "faith" actually means.

Faith is a segment of a belief system. It is knowledge and trust that the entity you believe in will see you through the situation. For me that entity is God.  He has a Son named Jesus Christ. God appointed Jesus as the one who will show us how to live a life that God wants us to live. One of the things Jesus teaches us is faith. That is believing God will protect us and never leave us. Jesus proved that to be true when He made it possible for all humankind to enter a place called Heaven at an appointed time. Those people that choose to believe Jesus and live there lives the way He explains will  go to Heaven. They  have, faith.

How to Have Faith

Jesus came to Earth to teach us about God and how to live a life that was pleasing to God. Jesus experienced all of the challenges we now experience. The reason He did was he wanted to show us He understands what we are going through. He wants us to know we do not have to face life's challenges on our own. He wants us to ask Him for help and He will provide for us the things we need.  His promise to us was sealed when He allowed himself to pay for all our bad deeds and behavior.  He gave up His life for our sake.

Promises Kept

This shows Jesus kept His promise to us that He will never leave us nor turn His back on us. Its been over 2000 years since we saw Him in the flesh but He is with us in Spirit. He makes himself known to those who believe in Him.

People that faithfully believe His promises to provide all our needs know what to do when it appears our backs are against the wall and we have no way out. They know Jesus will provide a way out of the situation. They also know if He does not provide a way out, there is a greater reward waiting when the trial is over.

After we experience the present situation and learn the lesson from it, He will provide a much better situation for us. Jesus is an entity who helps us if we allow Him to help us. He will help us if we ask for His help. That is the core of what having faith is about. Knowing Jesus is there for us and in control of the situation.